I had a very strange and frightening period in my life, yet I miss it! Experience anything similar?

When I was a teenager everyone thought I was on drugs, but I wasn't. No one suspected I was crazy! Well, it started with depression and then it evolved in to something rather strange. I would stay up at night writing poetry and music. I was convinced I was destined to be some sort of famous artistic genius, when in reality my skills are rather numb. When I went to school, I would talk of my genius non-stop. I was certain I was better than everyone else. It felt good (considering the previous depression). I was cutting myself, but during this phase I was convinced that I had to cut myself in order for my genius not to be lost. It was controlled by special spirits that lived in my blood. I stopped eating almost completely because I was absolutely sure I was being poisoned by spirits that wanted to steal my special talents. I was too good for life! Then one day, almost suddenly it went away. It was scary, but I want to feel like that again. It's like life is meaningless without madness.
Answer:
Sorry. I can't touch that.

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It sounds like manic depression - bipolar disorder, but only a lisenced psychiatrist can diagnose you. The ultimate high that you have experienced is typical for the disorder and it is normal to miss it - who doesn't want to feel like they are genius? However, the lows are way low - get to a good doctor and get diagnosed. Most important - take any meds they prescribe whether you think you should or not! Good luck...

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If you are concerned and if you are not functional, get help but if you are enjoying your life to the fullest, then you are okay until things deteriorate.

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I started studying latin and drawing out cool looking sigils for a game I was playing, I was so depressed and off centre at the time by the end of it I actually believed I was writing some sort of spell book from the recesses of my psyche and that once complete its powers would be manifestly real.

I also starved myself and would often believe I would just die for no apparent reason.

I think this was a control mechanism.

My brain telling me my life was out of control and imposing some order - not matter how eccentric on it.

I had control of my ability to starve, and to laour like a genuis at my "texts". It sopped up all the rage and anxiety into these acts of will.

I suspect for you it was the same.

I think of it as an "Addictive Order".

I guess this is also what makes people suddenly pronounce that they are God.

Glad you climbed back up the ladder of health. Welcome to the top.

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What you are describing could be anything from a first schizophrenic break (characterized by the delusional behavior), to OCD or narcissism.

That special world you lived in was full of excitement, and the adrenaline that was released can be very addictive. It's hard to live in the real world again.

I would definitely recommend discussing this part of your life with a psychiatrist. If it is schizophrenia, it could recur. At any rate, it sounds as if your new grounding in reality is pulling you into depression. Please seek help. people care.

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I am by no means a qualified specialist and my opion here is merely a suggestion. The behaviour you describe sounds very familiar, as I have a friend with bipolar disorder who often exhibits similar behavior when she does not take her meds. You should strongly consider seeing a psychiatrist. The rush when you are manic might seem very exciting, but when you slump into depression it could be highly dangerous. Everything you feel as a human being belongs on a spectrum of emotions, and it is perfectly normal to experience all those feelings. But when it is too extreme and intense, it throws your life off balance and you are unable to achieve anything because your focus is scattered. Having balance in life is the key to getting the most out of every day, so please seek help.

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Your question is absolutely the most interesting post I have read in a very long time. Your experience with regard to "missing" your symptoms is not that uncommon. Many people who have responded to medication or has their symtpms abruptly abate express the same sentiments that you have expressed. It is very similar to the "phantom pain" that an amputee experiences in the limb that was lost. What you are missing are the hypo-manic episodes that made you feel invincible and special. This is something that you need to discuss with a counselor or therapist. We all have a certain amount of madness...what we need to hold onto is the part that makes us strive to succeed and have a healthy life. Please get some therapy so that you can put your feelings into their appropriate perspective. best wishes

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You are a male and you will do this again because mental illness is from a disorder of your social knowledge. It is still that of an outcast .Depression will return when you fall in love.

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