I despise my step-sister?

i have a step-sister. we are only 3 months apart in age. in short, i really despise her. she is the most jealous, hateful, conniving, spoiled brat that i have ever met. and i am one that usually gives people the benefit of the doubt...i rarely ever have hated anyone in my life. i can't stand her, and the worst part is that i have to live with her. what can i do to deal? is there anything i can do help her to be less...like herself?
Answer:
Kelly.

There's a book (I know, I know) called PRIDE And SHAME or the other way around, SHAME and PRIDE by Nathanson.

It's sort of a very well written psychiatry book about affects.

Affects are biological responses to a stimulus.

So, I go BOO!
You get scared. Your heart rate goes up. Your breathing increases. Your blood pressure goes up. The hair on your neck goes up (little ones in the back of the neck), your pupils dilate.
This is a response to fear and you are getting ready to fight or flee.

The interesting thing about this book, is that of all the affects, two, shame and pride.modulate the others.

For instance...your stepsister comes in and says X YOU!

You get mad, you yell back, you do whatever it is you do.

Same scenario, but this time, before she says X YOU, you find out that you just won the lottery, got asked to the prom by the coolest guy who you've had a secret crush on forever.

She says X, you say , OH X YOU TOO, LET"S GO GET A MILKSHAKE or whatever you do when you are happy and nice and cool.

The difference in your response is modulated by your level of pride in yourself, for whatever reason.

If there is something about you that she would like to be...pretty, smart, good in school, nice boyfriend, popular with whoever, rich, have a good summer job,...whatever, she'll say or do things that will make you down, which (like the teeter totter in the park) will in turn make her be up, or proud. You can't let that happen. You can't be pushed down so she can be pushed up.

And MOST of the time, since most of us are pretty much the same, communication about parents, that parent, that other sibling or friend or? leads each of you to form an opinion in ignorance of the others real problem(s)(loneliness, being shy and you're not or vice-versa, all those things.)

And it's everywhere this stuff. It's in MOST families.

In the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding (not sure if that's the name),

the main character goes to the school where the other main character teaches, pulls him out of class and says to him she wants to elope. Not go through with the whole big wedding with all the family and all the stuff, and all the STUFF!
He says, we're not going to run from your family or mine. You have a weird or strange family? WHO DOESN'T?

and that's the point.

It's not worth the energy to hate. That take a LOT of work. A lot of energy away from YOU and your life.

Try the book. You'll learn more about yourself than her. You'll learn there's no one else on earth like you. You're the only one. What's not to be proud about that?

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No, not really. People are who they are. People can change, but only when it's their idea. If she's that bad, just find ways to avoid her.

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don't be concerned about her=think about what you can do for yourself to keep you active and not around her much other then at meal and bed times

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give her examples of how to act. Maybe she has gotten away with things and would like to change but has no idea how to. Tell her you would like to get along since you now live together and tell her what things she needs to do to do that, however let her tell you the things you also need to improve on. Good luck!

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there isn't a way for you to change her. she may actually change overtime from being around you. she may not be so spoiled and may model after you. try your best to control yourself when around her and just stay quiet. dont say anything mean or something you'd regret. try to aviod her. hang in there. good luck.

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i am n a sitch just like urz,my step sis is exactly wat u just described!!take my advice,ignore her.b 2 perfect,maKE her jelous of u,and she'll try 2 b more like u.

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Wow I feel like you are writing what I want to say. I have a step sister and feel the exact same way. Most of the time I just try to avoid her in general. When she does talk to me, I try to be nice. But if she gets out of line, I just walk away or give it right back to her. Much luck to you!

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Throw yourself into so many activities, jobs and schoolwork so that you never have to be home. Study hard, go to college and move the hell out as soon as you can take care of yourself.

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It could be she feels the same about you, you know. You are both thrown together in a situation you really had very little choice about, and can do nothing about to change. So you will both have to be a little grown about it, and find ways to cope together. Perhaps if you had a talk together, you could find ways to work things out. When you have this talk, try to stay away from accusing language. Avoid the "You always" phrase, in favor of "when this happens, I feel like this". Work together to find ways you can compromise and make things work. You may not get it all exactly the way you like, but neither will she. Try to find some common ground, which should be fairly easy since you are so close in age. Try to find some activities you can share, and learn to enjoy your differences. And yeah, you may have to give her the benefit of the doubt. Some people just don't adapt as quickly as others, or react as well, to situations they don't like, or are not in control of. It's called acting out, it's immature, and you just have to work a little harder to be patient while they grow out of it sometimes. You might also enlist the help of your parents to iron out things. You are a family now, and it's in the interests of the entire group to work together, rather than divide into two camps of his and hers. That is just the recipe for disaster and misery. If it becomes really a problem, perhaps a family counseling is in order. But first, try a talk with her and try to keep it from getting personal and becoming an attack. Tell her you want to work with her to work things out, and you might get lucky. It's certainly worth a shot. Good luck, I hope you can pull it off. It would be fun having a sister that close in age to share with, almost like a built in friend. And since you both have to live with things, you may as well make the best you can of it.

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