I don't understand whats going on with me can you help?

ok so my parents are divorced, I'm handicapped, have acne, and I got turned on to metal music after being rejected by this girl I really liked. So I get depressed because of all the S*** listed above. I listen to music to try and get rid of depression but it sometimes makes me more depressed or pissed off and I wind up punching something. Why is this? I mean I listen to metal music to calm myself and sometimes it works but other times it works me up into a rage to where I start punching stuff and screaming and afterwords I feel better. I don't know why this is and it doesn't seem normal. What can I do? Please don't say go see a shrink cause I tried that and she didn't help me at all.
Answer:
Let me start off by saying that I am sorry to hear about the difficult things you have been going through. That much bad stuff happening at once is a lot for anyone, even half of that is a lot!

Perhaps other people will disagree but it seems to me that you are handling this all pretty well. I don't think that it is bad or wrong to feel strong emotions or even hit inanimate objects, yell, or listen to any kind of music that is helping you. As Lenny said, you should never harm yourself or someone else. But if you are alone or with a safe person who can support you (yes, like a therapist), this can be very helpful in releasing very powerful emotions.

As for those who say that you need to give up the heavy metal, I do not agree. Heavy metal is not "causing" these behaviors or even necessarily eliciting them. You are drawn to that type of music because you are already experiencing those emotions and perhaps are not in touch with them enough on your own so you are using the music to help you. It is the same way that people can be drawn to sad songs when they are already experiencing sadness: the music can help the person to connect to the emotions that they are feeling.

That said, I do not think you should only listen to heavy metal. I recommend finding other types of music you like in addition to the heavy metal and/or setting aside some artists or albums as "happy" instead of "angry." The reason I recommend this is that you may begin to associate your music with the emotions over time and so the same way that people have songs that remind them of past loves or a special event, etc, your music may begin to remind you of your anger and this tough time in your life and at that point could be counterproductive and alter a positive mood you are in.

Now I want to address the therapist issue. I am sorry you had a bad experience with your previous therapist. I have been there (several times) and can sympathize. That said, I have also been fortunate enough to find several excellent therapists who I have had a wonderful connection with and who have helped me immensely. In fact, long after being done seeing them, I still recall things that they have said to me and those memories help me, even now. I know that you are struggling right now and while you will choose to do whatever you want, I cannot recommend highly enough that you reconsider therapy. It is perfectly acceptable to shop around until you find a good fit. And don't assume price or level of experience/training is necessarily indicative of a better therapist. The key is to find someone who is a good fit for you. Therapy is not a "one size fits all" experience.

I hope this helps and I wish you lots of luck!

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try reggae smoke two joint in the morning...

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try listening to calmer music like classical, slow rock or light rock

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Depending how old you are ,you might want to try to go to your family doctor to see if you can try some sort of depression pills.I know they helped me when i was going through hard times. If you dont want to do that..maybe try finding a new hobby.One that would keep your mind off of things.Hope i helped and good luck!

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Listen to music that makes you sad, Really sad. Cry out emotions. Usually soft rock or acoustic. Get out all anger and rage through crying. Trust me Ive been in similar situations. Letting a few tears fall really helps.

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Why not listen to your favourite music %26 do something you like to forget about it?

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Try a different psychiatrist or else get involved in a highly aggressive sport like boxing or karate. Maybe consider going to anger management classes. My suggestion would be stop listening to metal music and try some other genres. I am sure there is another sort of music that must interest you. Give it a try. It couldn't hurt.

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well stop listening to heavy metal... try some other kinda music becuase heavy metal can cause u to become suicidal..

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I'm wondering why you said your shrink didn't help. I've had that problem before. Just because they're a doctor doesn't necessarily mean they "get" you, you know? Consider seeing a different Dr. for a consultation, it may take a few tries until you find a good fit.

Maybe try working out your aggression in a more productive way (instead of punching stuff and screaming). You don't say what your handicap is but maybe some form of exercise would help. Or try doing some art or playing an instrument as a different outlet.

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hm. if music doesn't help most of the time... i think you should switch to something else..

but don't smoke... it's bad for you.

i think you should maybe keep a journal or something and keep your thoughts in it.
it might work.

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metal is a type of music that induces rage..hense why u act the way u do. Try not to listen to metal to "calm u down" try to listen to it when u are already calm. Listen to something less rage-inducing when you are angry..such as country or classical

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Rejection of love may have triggered stress hormones over which you may not have control. If you recognize that your mood disorder is abnormal and not rational - although you can see some triggers in the past - it is usually due to some other factors as well, such as a metabolic disorder.

People with hypoglycemia are at risk of being depressed for no reason at all.

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well, it's going to be okay. your going through what is called life. you can't ignore your feelings but you can deal with them better. Ask God to give you strength to accept the things you cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference.

Have you thought about prayer? Also, maybe you need to get the rage out by going for a run or something. Maybe think about some activity you can do to stop feeling depressed.
Depression is not permanent. Don't worry about your parents. They have there own problems, just dont' let it become yours..You have your own life.

Aside from all of this, I'm really really sorry your parents got divorced, and its not your fault. Just remember that God who is real loves you more than your parents and God is with you all the time even when you don't realize it. Just talk to him every once in a while, ya know?

Acne will go away too. Stop drinking sodas and drink more water. However you are handicapped just find a way to go outside and smell the fresh air at least and get some sunshine every now and then.

Make the most of your life as much as you can and find your gift. I'm sure you have one.

Remember we all here on planet Earth go through so many trials, you are not alone. I bet everyone on this bulletin board has some sort of drama life story to tell. Just remember you are not alone on this planet and what you are feeling is normal.

God Bless You child.

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Does your handicap prevent you from being able to dance? For me, I would dance out my anger to angry music and it was a real relief afterwards. Music therapists often start off with some angry music and then taper down with calmer music. If you are hitting a punching bag that won't hurt anything but if you are punching holes in the wall, that is a problem for the homeowner, for you and anyone around you. Have you ever considered learning to play the drums?
What are some ways that you can think of to channel your anger? Do you like to paint or draw? What about writing each day and expressing yourself on paper with words without thinking about what you are going to say, just write and see what comes out on paper?
You have a lot of things to feel angry about, and anger is usually a cover feeling for deep hurt.
What are some things you are good at, or think you might be interested in but haven't tried yet? Find positive and creative subjects of interest to pursue and see if that helps too. Do those things to the beat of your metal music.

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View depression, and anger management, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris... on pages 2, and 4, and practise one of the relaxation techniques daily, and when needed. See a doctor/dermatologist about the acne, or a pharmacy.

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theres tons of music out there,,,for some reason you seem to think alot of heavy metal...STOP RIGHT THERE..it has its place, but not in your case. get out of your room, go volunteer somewhere, the humane society is a great place to start. animals work wonders! as for your parents, take them as they are,,i know divorce is sad, but they need you. just love them. they hate to see you miserable.
my daughter is handicapped as well, and sitting in that hospital you see so many people that are so much worse off. and just as there is different music, there are different girls too. yours is out there, but you'll never find her unless you get out of your room. the acne will MOST likely subside as you get older...i know this is all easier said than done, but be glad in the day when you get out of bed,,,think of the glass being half full...good luck to you!

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listen.
first off, i would like to tell u i am sorry for your luck. i am the same way right now, battling horrid depression and just feel like i got the crappy end of the stick in every category of life right now. ok, so u went to a shrink and u say she didnt help u at all..was it really that she was a quack? or was she hitting on things that really strike a nerve with u, and ur afraid to go back? if she WAS a quack, then look around for a new shrink until u find one that u feel DOES help u. i assure u, she cant possibly be the only shrink within 20 miles of where u live. i dont know why u are "handicapped" but u seem intelligent enough to go out and get a job of some sort. u prolly have way to much time on your hands, and u need to get out in the world, earn some money, meet some people. as for your acne, a lot of people have it, but then, they buckle down, and they buy "pro-activ" that acne cleanser stuff. that helps a lot. as for the music? i think its time you switched genres. get into country, opera, or classical.even new age music or native american indian music. it will relax your soul, and help heal the pain u have. good luck with this crap and hope ur life gets better.

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Actually I think your very normal. I have discovered that feeling our feelings, sadness, grief, fear, and scare is part of the process to get to joy or happier feelings if you will. Be kind to your self. Growing up in our society is not easy and there is a lot of stuff to experience and work through. Get a stick, tennis racket, or something like that and beat the you no what out of a pillow or something to get to what is under the anger. It is a way to process your stuff and you will be able to feel more joy and happiness. When you do this kind of work process it is never ok to hurt your self or some one else. Do this in an environment that is safe.

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The reason you struggle is that no one has given/taught you coping skills that work. I see that you mention only one tool, and that is music, you need more than that to survive in this world.

there isn anything wrong with music therapy, sometimes the best cure for my being in a funky mood is cranking up a scorpions live album, high energy, positive energy.

When music does not work you get more upset, the hitting things and screaming is a release of frustration that is why you feel better. It's not the best one but at the same time it is a method sometimes used in counseling. Just don't let it ever get to the point of hurting living things.

Your shrink was obviously not someone capable of seeing that you needed tools. You don't necessarily need medication, just different ways of looking at your situation (perspectives) and expressing yourself. Some people write, some people play music. I like to go work on something physically demanding, it's a productive place to put the energy, when I'm done I have accomplished something and have something to be happy about. (even if it's nothing more than a completed chore)

When you feel depressed think of 10 things that you do have that give you reason to be happy or that you are grateful for, in spite of everything else that isn't right, by the time you reach the end of the list you might be in a much better frame of mind.

Don't worry so much about girls, if one rejects you there are many others out there, if not now, then later... it's never the end of the world, again it's a matter of how you choose to look at it.

It sounds to me that you want to help yourself but don't know where to start... take a trip into your local bookstore/library and flip through some books in the self help/personal growth section. There is no shame in that. Acknowledging that you want help, which you have already done by posting your question is the first step to making that a change.

Mom/dad please help me help myself. You just never know what doors will open.

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Because you are limited to the activity you can do, you are internaly frustrated and hurt. My then 14 year old daughter contracted bone cancer. Because she will no longer is able to do the things she once did, it hurts me inside to see her laid up like the way she is. Be full of joy and happyness because you can at least walk. Try to dig deep inside yourself a try to find peace within. It will be hard to do, I know but I know you can do this. The heavy metal music you are listening to is part of your problem also. The music is filling you with the energy that you just don't have. You are having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that you are not like other boys your age, even though you have been like this all your life. This is having a bigger impact on you because when you were younger you were not old enough to see the big picture. You have now realized that your life will become more difficult as you get older. This is where you must stop and think about the simple things in your life and your surroundings. Life is NOT fare, but there are ways to be happy. It's just that you are going to need to look harder and
dig deeper than the normal person to find them within yourself. I will say a silent prayer for you.

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